Helplessness Underlies Many Control Struggles
I am pleased that many readers took the time to think about the last transcript I posted. I enjoyed reading your perspectives and seeing your comments about my interventions. If you missed the first installment of this series you can read it here. Before giving you the second section of the transcript, I want to […]
Managing Control Issues in Couples Therapy
For this blog post, I am giving you part of a transcript from an Initiator-Inquirer session. It is about working with control struggles, improving couple’s communication, and what that means on a deeper level. This session was very rich in learning, so I am going to break it down into several posts. I’d like you […]
What do these 5 relationship challenges have in common?
Too many couples’ problems are deeply rooted in a complex web of beliefs, hopes, disillusionments, and expectations. “You owe me this.” “I won’t change until he does.” “I’ve done enough.” “She’s wrong about how that fight happened.” It’s very common for therapists and coaches to take a behavioral approach, asking, “How do I challenge each […]
Reflections from Kenya: A Journey of Healing and Connection
I am excited to share with you reflections on our trip to Kenya. It was an unbelievable trip, and I am deeply grateful to the therapists and coaches in our community who took the leap to come along with us. We had two main goals: Provide support for our three counselors – Joanne, Milkah, and […]
What do you say when a client has been lying about an affair?
Finding out that a client has been lying to you and their spouse about ongoing infidelity is very tricky. Suddenly what was already a difficult infidelity repair case gets a whole lot tougher.
What Do You Say When Couples Want to Rehash a Fight?
Let’s look at what happens when a couple starts a session by dumping the fight of the week on you. Here is one example of what you might say: “Before we jump into discussing your fight, think of our time together today not as conflict resolution, but instead as a time to learn. You are […]
What Do You Say WhenTM a Client Makes Outrageous Demands on You and Their Partner?
Let’s tackle partners who make outrageous narcissistic or entitled demands on their partner or on you.
Collaborating with Counselors in Kenya
Note from the Couples Institute team: Ellyn wrote this blog post before leaving for Kenya but we couldn’t post it until today. So she’s there already – and we can’t wait to hear more about the trip when she returns! I’m counting down the days and minutes! On Monday, Pete and I will travel to […]
Highlights from the Psychotherapy Networker Conference
I just recently returned from the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium that took place March 22-24, in Washington, DC! As you may know, I like to share tidbits after I attend and present at conferences. I had not been to the Networker in many years, and most of this year’s conference experience was delightful. It was exciting […]
A Strong Start in Couples Therapy: Challenges Faced by Therapists in Early Sessions
Couples often come to therapy with high hopes, vulnerability, and a spoken desire for transformation. They also come with years of pain, hostility, and unresolved issues. Their awareness of what creates change is usually minimal. 3 Paradoxes of Early Sessions Clients want change, yet they resist it. They have big demands from each other and […]
We respect your privacy,