Highlights of Hilton Head
On the radio at 6am this morning, I heard that there were ice storms today in the Carolinas. “Pete, I am glad we were there last week and not now. We thought it was bad to freeze our hands and hit rock-like tennis balls on the tennis courts at 19 degrees, but at least we […]
Beyond Listening Skills: Developing Compassion and Empathy
So, after several months of us working with a single session with Tom and Vicky, I am now posting the final section of this transcript. Before reading it you might want to review last month’s post and some of the insightful comments by your colleagues about the process of developing compassion and empathy. We begin […]
Couples Therapy Tools: The Paper Exercise
When I am doing training, I get many requests to learn more about the Paper Exercise. I thought you might like having more information about it. The Paper Exercise is an exercise that Pete and I adapted from Susan Campbell’s book, The Couples Journey. The exercise sounds a bit contrived, but it is so revealing […]
From Russia With Love
I am writing this month’s newsletter as I fly home from two weeks in Russia. What an adventure! I went with my good friend Ruth McClendon to teach Couples and Family Therapy in Moscow and Saint Petersburg. It was such a rich cultural experience that it will take many months to digest all of it. […]
Elephants and Interspecies Empathy
Why am I writing about elephants? I am writing about trauma, attachment and empathy – concepts that are central to the work Pete and I confront daily in our work with couples. Several years ago Pete, Molly and I went to Africa to work on a lion research program. Out in the field, I was […]
Attachment and Differentiation in Couples Therapy
This year’s couples conference has now come and gone. Once again we enjoyed dynamic presentations from state of the art thinkers and practioners, such as Harville Hendrix, Pat Love, Cloe Madanes, Terry Real, Dan Siegel, Stan Tatkin and Jeff Zeig. I meant to share some highlights with you sooner, but got swamped with commitments that […]
The Importance of Apologies
An interesting research study from Columbia University reinforces something we already know. A law professor named Jennifer Robbennolt discovered that admitting guilt seems to be a central ingredient in a sincere apology. She also discovered that a full apology is more likely to result in the quick settlement of a law suit in certain kinds […]
Confronting Negative Beliefs and Projections
In December, I set a daunting task for myself. I volunteered to do a clinical demonstration at the Brief Therapy conference. I have done many demos over the years, but the topic for this one was about confronting negative beliefs and unrelenting projections in couples relationships. Why is this so challenging in a role play […]
Show Love in Small, Essential Ways
I just returned from the Brief Therapy Conference in Anaheim. A lovely moment occurred after my clinical demonstration. A couple came up and introduced themselves to me, saying they had now been married for 60 years. They asked, “Would I like to know the secret?” What couples therapist could turn that down? I replied, “Of […]
Couples Therapy Continues to Gain in Stature
Couples therapy has come of age. When I first started teaching our Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, couples work was considered to be inferior to individual therapy. Many couples therapists were even embarrassed to admit they liked this work. I used to start my workshops by saying that I believed couples therapy was often more […]
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