Kenya – A Journey In Negotiation
Shifting Relationship Impasses, Part Four
Translating Internal Conflicts as an Emotional Bridge Before sharing the final part of this transcript from a session on shifting relationship impasses, I want to answer the questions I asked you last month. What are some of the wife’s struggles? As I listened to the wife, I was aware that she drives herself very […]
Chore Wars
“Chore Wars” are a common problem for couples: 1) sharing housework 2) negotiating the schedule for chores 3) agreeing on standards that are acceptable to both partners. It’s a problem that won’t go away. Bathtubs get grimy, dust bunnies multiply in corners, clutter accumulates everywhere – as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow. It […]
Conflict Avoidance: Shifting Relationship Impasses, Part 3
Helping partners develop clearer separation between self and other This is the third part of a series in which I have shared sections of a session on shifting relationship impasses in a couple with conflict avoidance and encouraged comments and questions from readers. Thank you to those of you who have participated in our dialog […]
Conflict Avoidance: Shifting Relationship Impasses, Part 2
Thanks a lot to those of you who took time to write your thoughts about the transcript I last posted about shifting relationship impasses in a conflict avoidant couple. You were processing many of the issues involved. I picked this couple because they demonstrate many traits that are common in intensity avoiding and conflict avoiding […]
Conflict Avoidance: Shifting Relationship Impasses, Part 1
About a year ago, I wrote a series of newsletters dissecting one session with a particular couple. It seemed to motivate readers to exchange ideas on the blog. I’d like to revisit that format and ask you to think developmentally along with me, this time about shifting relationship impasses in a couple with the pattern […]
Overcoming Passivity and Passive-Aggressive Behavior
In the Early Stages of Therapy Couples therapy has numerous challenges in the early sessions depending on the type of presenting problem. Our next few newsletters will focus on some unique challenges and what to do about them, beginning with passive behavior and passive-aggressive behavior. A common pattern of highly distressed relationships is each partner […]
Regression and its Impact in Couples Therapy
Regressed partners in couples therapy often demand that either you or their partner focus on them. At times, attending to and even promoting regression can facilitate change. However, often it is counterproductive and reinforces patterns that keep the couple stuck. In this blog post we will briefly explore what is regression, three issues that tend […]
Reflections on Attachment and Differentiation
At this year’s Couples Conference in Boston, I participated in a panel discussion with Sue Johnson, one of the founders of Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT, on the role of attachment and differentiation-based interventions in couples therapy. This month I wanted to share with you some of my remarks and reflections on the outcome of […]
Couples’ Fights: What Is One Big Common Denominator?
Couples fight for many reasons. Yet, at the heart of most fights are violated expectations. There is a significant difference between expectations and desires and it is this difference that causes much painful struggling in couples relationships. Expectations have a “should” quality implied about them. For example, “My partner should do X. It’s just the […]
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