How To Enjoy Your Family and In-Laws This Year
Are you already playing out scenarios in your head about what could go wrong this holiday season? Maybe you are tired of feeling uncomfortable around the in-laws, or dreading the arguments that tend to come up between you and your partner. With so many different personalities and conflicting desires coming together, it can be challenging […]
Focus on Infidelity
Just days ago I arrived home from the stellar conference, Anatomy of Intimacy – Focus on Infidelity that took place at University of California, Irvine, and I was immediately slammed with the cold/flu that is going around. Now that I am alert and functional again, I wanted to share some updates and reflections with you […]
Prevent Holiday Travel Stress with These 3 Tips
The holidays all sound good in theory – the gifts you’ll receive, the catching up you’ll do with family, a soft wintry morning snowfall depending on where you land. But sometimes the anticipation and goodness are quickly derailed as you’re even just traveling to get there, be it by a flight delay, a screaming kid, […]
Are You Ready for Infidelity?
What does it take to become really effective working with problems of infidelity? This fall my brain has been in conference teaching mode. Pete and I recently returned from the Imago Conference in Vancouver, Canada. We really enjoyed our time interacting with the International Imago community and especially a dialogue we had with Harville Hendrix […]
Three-Stage Resolution of an Affair
Without a doubt, infidelity is one of the most perplexing challenges that many therapists face during their careers. Frequently couples arrive in your office reeling in the aftermath of an affair. One partner may feel intensely angry and believe they were betrayed, while the other is in a hurry to get the affair behind them. […]
“Hope Springs”
Recently couples therapy has had a hold on the media, or maybe I am just noticing it. While flying to Africa, a magazine in the airport advertised “What Couples Therapy Should Look Like.” On the airplane another magazine quoted this month’s “amazing fact…spouses who travel in the same direction to work, regardless of the route […]
My Visit to a Counseling Center in Africa
A year ago I wrote a newsletter as I was winging home from Africa – and here I am again. So many reflections, so many experiences, sights, sounds, emotions. Where do I begin? And do I share what meant most to me or what might be most relevant to you and your work? I’d like […]
Developmental Change, Focus on the Initiator, Part 3
Therapist Errors: Not Recognizing Protective Passivity This blog post continues to focus on the initiator. Last month we looked at recognizing a “non-Initiation.” Remember we are discussing couples who have done very little active differentiation. An important subtle issue that occurs in many initiations is passivity. Passivity happens as a self-protection when partners fear the […]
Developmental Change, Focus on the Initiator, Part 2
Recognizing When Your Client Defines a Clear Issue with Related Feelings Today’s blog post is the second in which we focus on the Initiator for more effective Initiation. We are explaining the steps with volatile couples as you begin working with them in the Initiator-Inquirer format. The tasks of being an effective Initiator sound simple. […]
Developmental Change: Focus on the Initiator with Volatile Couples
I thought I’d write a few short blog posts that focus on the Initiator in the Initiator-Inquirer Process. Attaining successful initiation in the early stages of therapy is not easy. There are many subtleties that make a big difference. In this series, I will write each time about one main point. I hope it will […]
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