The Self-Absorbed Partner
A very big thanks to you if you filled out my survey on the Self-Absorbed Partner. I must have hit a nerve because nearly 200 readers answered the questions. This topic intrigues me. I often ponder how much of this is cultural, how much is psychological, how much comes from over-indulgence and how much comes […]
A Look Back at the Developmental Model
I’m feeling sad. After 26 years and 17 printings, our book “In Quest of the Mythical Mate” will no longer be available in hard cover. I’ll miss her. She really is like an old dear friend, symbolic as the first big collaborative project Pete and I did together.
Resolving Trauma: Some Things Can’t Be Done Alone
You might know that Pete and I have been building schools in Kenya for four years. We work in communities of refugees who were traumatized and displaced by political and tribal violence, and we have a special connection with the wonderful people struggling for survival in this part of Africa. In fact, we are now […]
Wisdom for Couples from Wisdom 2.0
Each year I enjoy a special weekend attending the Wisdom 2.0 conference in San Francisco with my daughter, Molly. And when there are points of interest for couples, I enjoy sharing those insights from the conference with you. The central question of this year’s conference was, “How can we live with wisdom, awareness and compassion […]
Wisdom 2.0 Conference
Each year I enjoy a special weekend attending the Wisdom 2.0 conference in San Francisco with my daughter, Molly. And a second pleasure is sharing some insights from the conference with you. It helps me remember and solidify the experiences and learning. The central question of this year’s conference was, “How can we live with […]
Predict the Change Process for Your Toughest Couples
Every time a couple tackles a thorny problem requiring change, they go through a predictable sequence of steps to make that change. And the sequence of change process is not linear. Leadership means seeing the journey from denial to commitment and actively challenging either partner when they regress. Watch the video to see Pete and […]
A Disarming Confrontation in Couples Therapy
A very distressed, acrimonious couple comes to see you for couples therapy. They’ve done significant damage to each other over the years. It seems they will fight about anything and you feel like you are getting nowhere. All your best efforts are thwarted. You say to them, “I’m sorry to give you some bad news. You […]
Do Your Couples Get High From Cheating?
I heard an interesting interview a few weeks ago as I was driving to work. Michael Smerconish was interviewing Celia Moore from the London Business School about research on cheating. While it is almost universally accepted that people who lie, cheat or steal feel guilty (if they are not sociopaths) unexpectedly her team discovered a […]
An Unexpected Opening for Confronting Hypocrisy
“Compassion is a lifetime business. You can’t say something like, ‘I will have compassion on Monday, Thursdays and Fridays only. But for the rest, I will be cruel’. That is hypocrisy.” – Israelmore Ayivor Today we’re examining a session with a volatile couple that quickly escalate and change topics. They don’t listen well to each […]
Ellyn interviews a group member who was skeptical about online training
Ellyn: Hi Barbara. Thank you for speaking with me today. I have a feeling there are lots of people who feel as resistant as you did about an online training program. I think it would be really helpful for them if I could ask you a few questions about your experience. First can you say […]
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