The Value of Obsessing About an Affair
When two people get together, they date and spend time getting to know each other. For some, the “falling in love” is intense and the decision to become a couple is easy. For others, it is far more difficult as they thoughtfully consider differences in challenging areas such as religion, culture, social class, child-rearing, or […]
Confrontation Video: Challenging Hypocrisy
With certain presenting problems, it’s obvious that some confrontation will be required. For example, the denial associated with drugs, alcohol or gambling addiction will inevitably require confrontation from either you or the spouse. Also, the major lies and deceptions that happen with infidelity are often obvious in calling for confrontation. However, there are some more […]
Confrontation Transcript: Indecision After Infidelity
Moving along in our series on confrontation, I wanted to share a series of confrontations made by my husband, Dr. Peter Pearson, during a 90-minute session with a couple facing indecision after infidelity. Observe how his confrontations move from softer to more intense. Jeff and Julie came for their first session after being married for […]
Six Types of Confrontation and How the Cycle of Confrontation Unfolds
Confrontation skills did not come naturally to me. When I was growing up, if I had issues with my sister or my mother, my father sent me to my room saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” As a therapist, it took concerted effort for me to learn how to […]
Are You Smarter Than a Fox?
Have you heard of the Killdeer? No, it’s not a mammal, but an amazing bird from the sandpiper family. The Killdeer do not build much of a nest. They lay their eggs in a nest on rocky ground areas. This makes them especially vulnerable to predators like foxes. So, the very smart killdeer developed special […]
Couples Therapy Lessons From Tennis Camp
Recently I took a long weekend to go to The Tennis Congress with Pete. For a long time, I’d wanted to know how top-level tennis players think. So, off we went to Tucson, Arizona for 3 days of instruction, both on and off the courts. I loved the off-court instruction because the lessons were so […]
How to Restore Momentum When Clients Evade Your Questions
My recent series, Losing Control, Direction or Momentum in Couples Therapy, stimulated so many comments and notes of appreciation that I’ve been thinking even more about those situations – and what can be done about them. I started thinking about another common process that results in losing momentum. It’s when one partner blocks and evades […]
Building Schools and Lives in Kenya
As you may know, over the past 5 years I’ve been involved in building schools in communities for traumatically displaced people. Working through the nonprofit organization World Teacher Aid, we’ve completed 7 schools, each serving about 500 kids, and we have more schools on the way. We are building schools and lives at the same […]
Dr. Ellyn Bader and Other Experts on Differentiation at Couples Conference
Day 2 was on Differentiation at Couples Conference 2016. In a panel discussion early in the day, I set the stage for understanding differentiation by explaining that in thriving relationships, partners are able to… Express their own thoughts, feelings, wishes and desires while being curious about their partner’s thoughts, feelings, wishes and desires. And with […]
Helen Fisher, Dan Siegel & Stan Tatkin on Neuroscience at Couples Conference
One of my most satisfying professional accomplishments is the 21-year collaboration with the Milton Erickson Foundation co-sponsoring the Couples Conference. Each year we bring together an inspiring faculty with a large group of couples therapists from around the world. Our mission is to push the field and provide training and updates on what’s new. The […]
We respect your privacy,